Unamusing, not Gay. Where's the easy way? Could it be that I don't know enough, what? People who know of the stuff? Recommendations, that's what I need. Acquaintances like luck. Why was the ticket not mine? I didn't want it enough. I haven't wanted anything enough, it seems. How much am I willing to settle for? It makes the difference. Where can I go? I need a key, an input, a spot of wisdom to get me in to what I need for expansion. Where do I go for this? For that? I can push myself to do, but I need the impetus, which always comes from without - both meanings.
Not feeling too poetic today, so I must continue the prose. The bottom of a page, there's impetus. One edge to slowly crawl to, sidewinding down, not at all fast. It possesses me to continue with words and folly until it seems I can go no ....
On Xmas of 1992 my brother gave me this journal made of recycled paper with a twig pencil. I eventually filled it up sporadically up to 1995. I dug it out, dusted it off, and started looking through it today, May 6th, 2013. I've decided to reproduce the posts online. It's raw and sure to be embarrassing, but I feel enough time has passed that I can distance myself, yet find a very familiar me within these lines and perhaps find the inspiration to take up the pen again..... Thanks, big Bro.
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